


the cracks on your windshield

by truce



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Car Accidents, Fluff, Lots of Crying, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Make out scenes, Marriage, terrible movie references, well sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-12
Updated: 2014-06-12
Packaged: 2018-02-04 09:31:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1774264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/truce/pseuds/truce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>harry gets into a car accident and wedding vows become his last words.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the cracks on your windshield

**Author's Note:**

> first of all, I'm sorry. secondly, i'm actually proud of this fic, it took a lot of research because i'm not a medical person nor am i an expert at weddings so bear with it. 
> 
> please excuse all the errors and mistakes that i might've failed to edit in this, honestly, i'm sorry if it ruins it.
> 
> LASTLY, people have been asking me loads of times like: is this fic based on the song "forever and always" by parachute. the answer is obviously yes. brilliant.
> 
> twitter: @twinkhair
> 
> sorry

Louis has never seen the rain pour this hard.

It was late, getting deeper into the night, and it was nothing but pitch black outside, showing no signs of activity. So it was quite safe to say, Louis felt worried.

It's been three hours since Harry called. Harry was supposed to be home in time for dinner, but seeing as the clock struck ten PM, Louis knew Harry was late.

It wasn't usual for Harry to be this late. Harry was always early, not once was he ever even a little late, and certainly not by hours. He always wanted everything to be perfect and in order. If Harry was late, he'd either text or call Louis to notify him as soon as he could. Louis never got such call, excluding the call that he'd gotten from Harry three hours ago telling him that he was coming home from work.

In the span of their six year relationship, such event never occurred; and Louis found himself seated at the breakfast table in the kitchen, shaky hands cradling a cup of tea that had grown cold over time. Louis hadn't even touched it at all.

Louis knew he shouldn't worry too much, he was only making himself panic. He couldn't help it though, endless worst case scenarios filled his mind and Louis wanted to wipe them all away. He was probably being paranoid. He blames it on the storm and how the severe downfall seemed to interrupt his every thought. 

The house was silent except for the harsh pattering of the rain against the windows and the faint sound of the television in the living room, set on a channel that could possibly be the least of Louis' worries. Louis didn't care about that, those weren't his biggest worries. 

Right now, Louis was just staring directly at the phone situated on the table in front of him, the blank screen seemingly taunting him in his troubled state. It hasn't lit up in three hours.

Louis took the phone and typed in his passcode with hard presses of his fingertips, the contact adding prints on the screen. He scrolled through his contacts list until he found the name he was looking for: _Harry Styles_.

The photo set on his phone under Harry's name was a photo of them at a ski lodge just a week before Christmas last year.

Louis remembers that time clearly, as if the memory was forever embedded in his mind in vivid scenes. 

It was on that week where Harry had unexpectedly proposed to Louis.

_Louis had thought it was just a regular trip to the ski lodge. It was their favourite place, right next to the comfort of their own homes, of course, but still. They've always had a particular fondness for the light touches of snow and the cold weather, which was one of the reasons they loved each other._

_Harry had booked the trip a month in advance. Louis noticed how nervous Harry looked, but he didn't mind it, thinking Harry was just nervous over skiing, which he normally was. Harry was always clumsy._

_Louis never knew he would be in for a big surprise._

_It was on the very weekend on the third week of December when Harry got down on one knee, not caring if his newly ironed suit was getting damp from the melting snow and if he was freezing cold on that particular day, all he cared about was Louis._

_Louis, on the other hand, was shocked. He didn't expect it at all. But of course, with trembling hands and a eyes brimmed with tears, he eagerly nodded his head and said 'yes'. He probably said it a million times, even as he pulled Harry in by his suit collar and attached their lips. Their kiss was filled with chapped lips and tears of joy, but neither of them complained. To them, nothing could be better._

It was still the same today. Louis still had trembling hands, but this time it was of worry, and not of joy. 

He tapped a button and started typing a hurried message to Harry, his fingers frantically trying to get his words through the screen.

_harry where are you its late and im getting worried. love u_

Louis played with the engagement ring on his finger, smiling a little at the thought. It made him feel at least a tiny bit calmer. The silver band on his finger felt cold against his skin, yet he still continued to twist it around, trying to get his shaky stature to just _ease up_. Of course, it didn't work, and Louis was as nervous as ever.

Twenty minutes passed and still, Louis hadn't received a reply.

_dont want to bother you but please reply, im dead worried about you and u were supposed to be home 3 hrs ago. love you xx_

It's been a full hour and a half and his phone had stayed silent since his last message. He decided it was best to call Harry. It was worth a shot.

It rings seven times until it goes to voicemail. 

_"Hello, it's Harry Styles,"_ Harry's voice echoed throughout the quiet kitchen. Louis' chest ached at the sound. _"I'm quite busy right now but please leave a message. I'll be right with you."_

Louis set it down on the table silently. He tapped his fingers on the wooden piece of furniture and took a small peek out the window, trying to see if Harry had already arrived at their driveway. He hadn't.

The scenarios come back to Louis' head, flooding his mind with horrible possibilities and tragic accidents and Louis shakes his head, as if shaking his head would wipe away all the bad thoughts.

The clock hit midnight and Louis' eyes were heavy. He let out a loud yawn, the fifth in ten minutes. He was getting a little sleepy, but he didn't want to go to sleep clueless as to where Harry was. He refused to.

His body obviously betrayed him because soon he found himself asleep on the table, his eyes damp and shut and his head, leaning against the smooth surface. 

What seems like hours later, the phone rang, and Louis jolted awake. 

His hands fumbled for the phone, which kept slipping out of his hands every now and then. His hands were trembling with pure anxiety and excitement, his chest beating rapidly in his chest. His phone had rung. It had finally _rung_.

He didn't even glance at the caller's name, figuring it was Harry on the other end. A grin of relief was soon on his face as he said, "Hello?"

His grin soon faded when he found out that it wasn't Harry who called him. It was someone unfamiliar, in fact. "Hello, is this Louis Tomlinson?"

It was a masculine tone, way too low and monotonous to be Harry's voice. The voice was rough and stern. Louis pressed the phone more firmly against his ear.

"Yes," Louis answered. "That's me." 

Before he could ask the caller who he was, he heard the sounds of police sirens echoing in the background on the caller's end of the line. Louis bit his lip. He didn't want to assume anything yet, but he knew what was coming. 

Tears threatened to spill from Louis' eyes before he could even hear the rest of what the man had to say.

"Mister Tomlinson, you were on emergency dial on Harry Styles' phone," the man said. "Are you in any way related to Harry Styles?"

Louis couldn't stop the shaking in his voice as he replied. "Y-yes, I'm his fiancé."

There was silence on the other line. "I'm very sorry to say–" Louis didn't want to hear the rest. He's watched enough movies and seen enough crime scenes to know that this conversation wouldn't end well. Louis knew what was coming and he wished he was wrong. He hoped the man on the other end was just notifying Louis that Harry was speeding or something of the like but he hoped with every fucking fiber of his body that it wasn't an accident. He just hoped as he listened to the rest of the man's sentence. "–that mister Styles has gotten into a car accident just a couple of hours ago."

Louis' blood felt cold.

He felt his heart drop to the pit of his stomach.

He dropped his phone at the arrival of the news he'd been dying not to hear. His eyes were brimmed with tears that were just threatening to fall and his mouth felt dry. He couldn't form any words or any sound for that matter.

Perhaps he heard wrong. Maybe it was some mistake that had gone horribly wrong. Maybe this was just another scenario created by his violent imagination. Maybe it was just one of his countless nightmares.

Except it wasn't.

It was just about as real as it could get.

Tears flowed freely down his cheeks; he was trying to intake the tragic information he'd just received. 

He picked up the phone off the floor, fumbling with the cold metal until he could press it against his ear again. "W–what?"

Louis didn't want to believe it. There was still a large part of him hoping that he was asleep having one of his many nightmares again. He wasn't hoping he'd actually be _living_ them.

"His car was found at the side of the road today, it wasn't in the best condition," the man says, continuing his explanation of what had happened. "We figured the storm had caused the roads to be very slippery hence the car sliding off course. Were you and mister Styles notified of the storm today?"

_Storm._

_Storm. Storm. Storm._

Because _yes_ they knew there was a storm today; they both knew it very well.

They watched it on the news yesterday, there was a warning about strong rains the next day, but they both disregarded it. Louis knew it was his biggest mistake. 

Harry still went to work despite the storm warnings. Louis still wanted to blame himself.

Louis gulped. "How bad is it?"

Louis took a handkerchief from his pocket, wiping his tears hurriedly and roughly. His face was red from both tears and aggressive actions.

"Terrible, I'm afraid." The man talks to another man on the other end. "But it wasn't fatal."

Louis actually lets out a sigh of relief at that. 

Since it wasn't fatal, that would mean Harry's still alive. He was alive. _Harry was alive._

"Wh–where is he? Where's Harry now?" Louis took a shaky breath as he moved around the house, grabbing house keys and putting on a new shirt. 

The man on the other end tells Louis the hospital address. Louis thanks him and says he'll be there. They both hang up.

Louis didn't want to use his car. 

Not after what just happened.

So he walked. With an umbrella in one hand and a handkerchief in the other, he walked towards the hospital where Harry was in. 

Tears were still falling from his eyes, the rain blowing against his face mixed in with the salty tears that were now pattering with the rain against the cold cement. Louis couldn't stop crying.

His shoes were soaked in rain water and his coat was damp with the rain that went astray, but Louis didn't care. Those didn't matter.

All that matters now is _harryharryharry_ , and nothing else. Nothing else.

He reached the hospital doors and Louis, with equally shaky feet, rushed towards the front desk. Some nurses were giving him strange looks for being soaking wet but Louis didn't mind them. "I'm looking for Harry Styles."

"Harry Styles?" The nurse asked.

"Yes, he's a patient here. I need his room number," Louis said, panic and worry never left his voice.

The nurse looked up at Louis and pushed a box of tissues towards his direction along with an assuring smile. Louis thanked her and pulled out tissue by tissue by tissue. The nurse looked through her records. After a few minutes of looking, she called Louis, who looked up from his seat with puffy eyes and an exhausted demeanor. 

"I'm sorry, mister–?" The nurse trailed off.

"Tomlinson. Louis Tomlinson."

"Ah. I'm sorry mister Tomlinson but mister Styles is in the emergency room right now. I'm afraid no visitors will be allowed in there."

Louis stood up from his seat almost too quickly and moved to the front desk again. "So–so I'm not allowed to visit him?" Louis questioned in between breaths.

"He'll be put in a room in a while, mister Tomlinson," the nurse informed. "I suggest you take a short nap whilst waiting. I'll make sure to wake you once I get ahold of mister Styles' new room number."

Louis thanked her and took a seat on the chair he was formerly sitting on. He was seated in the waiting room, along with a sleeping old woman at the back of the room and two quiet children watching cartoons on the television above them. 

Louis knew he should use this opportunity to nap. He'd be seeing Harry in a while, or at least that's what the nurse at the front desk said. Louis was way beyond exhausted. His puffy eyes and his hour long cries didn't do him much justice.

Despite the three other people in the room, Louis felt alone. 

It felt almost like drowning. And Louis knows what drowning felt like.

_He'd experienced it on the beach a couple of summers ago. He was mindlessly admiring the view of the sky as blue blended with pink, the clouds spread across so gently. It was beautiful, Louis thought._

_Completely unaware of the ground beneath the salt water, his foot slipped and he found himself trying to grab ahold of everything. Anything. But he could not hold onto anything but think water that only seeped through his fingers._

_Louis' head dipped in the water and he felt like he'd lost all control of his body and senses. He couldn't move his legs or his hands or anything for that matter. He felt immobilized._

_For a moment, Louis saw darkness and he thought, this is what death must feel like. Darkness, loneliness, worry._

_His lungs felt like they were going to burst, bur he couldn't even open his eyes. Louis didn't want to die like this._

_Suddenly, two arms pulled him up with such panic. He heard muffled voices but his ears were still flooded with sea water to compensate. Louis' head was finally above water and he uncontrollably took a large breath, coughing out the water that had gone inside him._

_It wasn't soon later when he was dragged onto the sand, his wet body clashing against the damp sand, which stuck to his skin in the most vexatious way possible._

_Suddenly, he heard it. "Louis, Louis, Louis, wake up." It was Harry's voice. For a moment, Louis thought he was dead. But then, his eyes opened and he was faced with Harry's face looking right at him and a crowd of people around them._

_Harry sighed in relief, proceeding with kissing Louis full on the lips right after. They didn't care who saw them because at that moment, all Louis could feel was Harry's lips on his and laughing in between. Harry's lips were soft, an absolute contrast against Louis' chapped ones._

_Harry's arms gripped around Louis' body tightly, as if not wanting to let him out of his hold. Once they pulled away, Louis coughed out more water and took another large breath. Harry smiled as he said, "Didn't know I left you that breathless."_

_Because of course, Louis had almost died a few minutes ago and Harry still doesn't miss a chance of cracking a cheesy joke._

_Louis just replied. "I almost died."_

_"But you're alive aren't you?" Harry answers, moving closer so he could kiss Louis again._

_Louis just nodded._

Louis didn't even know he was asleep until he felt a hand shake him awake. His blurry vision focused on a girl—it was the nurse at the front desk.

"Mister Tomlinson," The nurse's voice said, along with a slight nudge of Louis' arm. Louis' eyes were still filled with sleep, but he sits up straight and tries to pinch himself awake.

"Yeah?" Louis' voice is groggy and still shaky.

"Mister Styles has been moved to a room," The nurse informed Louis, holding a clipboard with scribbles and notes on it. "Room four hundred and twenty-six."

_426._

"It's on the fourth floor, fifth door to the right of the lifts."

Louis nodded and thanked the nurse, who patted his back in assurance. Louis then made his way to the lifts, pressing the buttons a little harder than usual.

_426, 426, 426,_ Louis repeated in his mind. It only took a few seconds for the doors to open up to the fourth floor, and Louis stepped out, feeling jittery. He couldn't bear waste a single second because right now, he just needed to see Harry.

He followed the nurse's orders. The fifth door to the right of the lifts. Louis walked past the other doors and he couldn't help but wonder if someone was worried sick in there too, soaking wet from the storm outside.

He was then faced with a wooden door.

It was just like the rest. It was a light brown colour with a silver plate with the room. The only thing that differed between all these doors were the people behind them. 

Louis' right hand warily moved towards the doorknob, gripping the metal that felt cool against his touch. He twisted it open, and stepped inside.

_Maybe drowning felt less painful than this,_ Louis thought.

He was faced with a heartbreaking sight. 

Louis couldn't bear it.

The good thing was that Harry was safe. He was safe. 

Harry was lying down on the white hospital bed, half his body covered with a thin white blanket. His hands were draped over his side, looking awfully pale since the last time Louis saw him.

Louis walked closer, making sure to keep his feet silent as to not wake the younger boy. The only sounds heard were the slow beeping of the heart monitor and the faint sound of the rain hitting the window.

Louis took a seat beside Harry and actually gets a good look at him this time. Harry looked terrible.

There were bruises and cuts all over his face, and Louis noticed there are cuts all over his arms too. They had been cleaned out, but Louis could still feel how painful that must've been. Harry's skin was pale, too pale even. His lips were slightly ajar as he inhaled and exhaled slowly. 

Harry's hair was disheveled as Louis ran a hand through it, combing through the tousled curls that sat atop his head. Louis didn't know he was crying again until he saw a tear fall onto the pillow.

He took Harry's hand with his other hand and interlaced their fingers together. They had always fit each other so perfectly. Harry's hands were cold, not warm like Louis remembers. They were slightly chilly, despite the fact that the room was mildly heated.

Louis brushed his thumb against the skin of Harry's hand, feeling how smooth it still managed to be.

He looks right at Harry, who's eyes were still delicately shut. "Harry," Louis says, choking on his words a little. It came out more like a breath than a whisper. 

Harry didn't answer. Instead, the steady breathing of Harry's body replied.

Louis knew Harry couldn't hear him, but it was worth a try. "Harry, Harry, love," Louis whispered. "I'm here."

Still no answer.

"I–I came as fast as I could." Louis tightened his grip on Harry's hand. "I'm here."

A few moments of silence passed before the door quietly opened and in stepped a man in a white coat. Louis assumed he was a doctor. "Good evening – Ah, morning, mister Tomlinson." The man greeted and corrected himself once he noticed that it was now in the early hours of the morning. 

"Morning," Louis replied, refusing to say the word 'good'.

"I'm doctor Payne," The man introduced. "But Liam would be sufficient, nice to meet you."

The man extended a hand out for Louis to shake, but Louis felt too weak to shake it. Or perhaps, Louis just lost all purpose to.

Louis lifted his hand up and shook Liam's hand, who smiled down at him. 

"If I may ask, what is your relation to Harry Styles?"

"I'm his–" Somehow, Louis couldn't get the word fiancé out of his mouth. He didn't know why, but he just couldn't. It pains him in a way he couldn't understand. "We're getting married." 

Liam gave Louis a sympathetic smile. "Congratulations on the engagement then, mister Tomlinson."

Louis offers him a smile but then he thinks that it's quite ironic. He didn't see the point of congratulating him on an engagement when the man he was going to marry was lying down unconscious on a hospital bed. If it weren't for the steady beating of tue heart monitor, he wouldn't even know if Harry was dead or alive. It was irony at its best.

He didn't even want to think about the possibility of Harry dying. Harry was here. He was alive. That's all that matters at this point.

"How is he, Liam?" Louis asked and Liam took a seat next to him. It was going to be a long talk.

"Well, the crash was huge, almost fatal if I may say so," Liam explained. "He's in a state of coma due to the injuries he received." 

Louis doesn't even realise he's been gripping the ends of the couch with such force that his knuckles were turning white from the hard grip. Liam continued to speak. "He was diagnosed earlier today with a traumatic brain injury. He's also obtained several wounds from the impact and a few broken bones."

Louis took a sharp intake of breath. "Is it that bad?"

"It's very bad," Liam said, trying to limit the amount of news he's breaking at a time, not wanting to overwhelm a puffy eyed Louis right beside him. "We suspected that the patient's head hit the inside of the vehicle during the accident."

At the end of his sentence, Louis stood up, obviously out of shock and disbelief. "What?"

What took over Louis was full dubiety, he couldn't believe what he was hearing. He'd thought that Harry only had a few wounds and bruises but nothing as serious as internal bleeding, in the brain especially. From what Louis knew, it could be fatal. Louis could _not_ lose Harry. Not today, not ever.

"We're very lucky that it wasn't severe enough to be fatal. Harry, however, will have to undergo extensive surgeries so that we could stop the bleeding."

"Can you save him?" Louis choked out. It was just too much information for him to process and every single word was hurting him. It felt like getting punched in the stomach but a hundred times worse.

"We're trying," Liam said, attempting to calm down Louis, who was now tugging on his hair with his hand and wiping his tear stained face with the other. "He'll be alright."

Louis calmed himself down and seated himself back down, right next to Harry. 

He didn't know whether or not to believe Liam because doctors often say that things are alright even when they're far from it. Liam looked truly honest though, confident too. There was no sign of doubt on his face and Louis decided to believe him. It seemed like the right thing to do. "Do you think he'll be safe?" Is the last thing Louis asked.

"Yes," Liam answered. "I believe he will."

 

***

 

Louis doesn't have any dreams that night.

Perhaps he did but he doesn't remember. All he saw that night was black and nothing else. It felt empty.

It went on for exactly a week. A completely dreamless and empty week.

Each day, he'd wake up to the silent breathing of Harry. He was still unconscious, but Louis never lost hope. He'd wake up, his back aching from the uncomfortable position he'd slept in, and talk to Harry, even if he got no reply in return. 

The hospital food wasn't very appetizing. In all honesty, Louis didn't even feel like eating. He'd often just get a fruit bowl from the cafeteria downstairs and poke around the fruits with his fork. 

He shut off his phone for the whole week as well. For some reason, he didn't want to talk to anyone. The only one he'd actually talk to was Liam, just because he was required to. 

Louis probably looked like shit right now with his tired eyes and tousled hair but he didn't care; he liked to think his appearance matched his feelings anyway. 

He felt horrible.

The good thing was that the Harry was rushed into surgery right away. 

They'd managed to locate the source of bleeding and to repair all the damages it had caused. Liam said the bleeding had stopped fully. Louis believed him.

No one could stop Louis from thanking Liam and his team on that Wednesday because that meant that Harry would survive. Harry would actually survive.

Louis couldn't ask for anything better.

Harry, however, was still stuck in a coma. It had been that way for a week. Louis never left Harry's side.

Harry's mother and sister came in during the early hours of Thursday morning. Louis was asleep on the small chair when the door quietly opened and in walked a tear filled mother and a sobbing sister, asking for a little time alone with Harry. Louis, along with consoling words and a tight hug from Harry's mum, Anne, left the room.

That was the only time he left Harry's side.

It was an hour to midnight now. It was a saturday and Louis was still awake. 

As he said his goodnight to Harry, he noticed that the wounds on Harry's body had begun to heal, disappearing slowly over time. Louis smiled, knowing Harry was healing.

He just wished Harry would wake up.

He _needs_ Harry to wake up.

 

***

 

His darkness of a dream was disrupted when he felt like he was being shaken. 

He was woken up by a small nudge on the arm. It was too light to immediately wake him, so Louis figures whoever it is must've been nudging him for quite a long time now. 

Louis slowly opened his eyes, too sleepy to open them fully. Besides, he hasn't gotten a proper sleep in days. 

He raised his head from his position on the bed — he'd spent the night with his head rested against Harry's bed, and it pained his neck quite a bit.

His vision was blurry and his eyelids still covered about half his sight. He rubbed his eyes open with the best strength he's got. 

At first, he thought that his mind was playing tricks on him. He thought that he may still be dreaming. He thought he saw Harry's hand move.

He pinched himself on his arm and thinks _yeah, he's not dreaming._

His eyes immediately shot open and he's greeted by an amazing sight. The most amazing sight he's seen in days.

Lying down in front of him was a fully awake Harry. 

Louis couldn't believe it at first. He figured it was some miracle. But slowly, as Harry moved his fingers more motional this time, and as Harry's eyelids fluttered open, Louis knows he isn't dreaming. This is actually real. It's happening. 

"Louis?" He hears Harry's soft voice say and Louis actually cried at that. The tears are falling uncontrollably now, but they aren't tears of sorrow, yet they were tears of joy because Harry is awake. _Harry is finally fucking awake._

"Harry?" Louis said, making one last check to see if Harry really _was_ awake. With a small smile making its way onto Harry's face, Louis was assured. "Harry!"

Louis immediately flung his arms at Harry and held him close to his body, making the most out of the moment. Louis was full of tears and laughs and _god,_ he was just so happy. 

Louis pulled back a little to get a glimpse of Harry, who looked like he'd definitely improved from his state a week ago. Harry was smiling as well, but he looked very tired. Louis thought it seemed a bit ironic considering Harry was asleep for a week.

Louis laid Harry back on the hospital bed gently. The tears hadn't stopped falling. Louis has never been so happy in his life. "Harry, are you – are you really, like – ah fuck, I just, I can't believe you're awake, it's unreal." 

Louis held tightly onto Harry's hand with both of his. 

He looked straight at the younger boy's face. The blood was slowly coming back onto his face. He wasn't so pale anymore. Louis was grinning so much it hurt, but Louis didn't bother with it because Harry was _awake._

"You're actually alive." Louis took Harry's hand and brought it up to his lips, the soft touch of Louis' lips pressed softly against the back of Harry's hand. "You're alive, you're alive, you're alive."

"No, I'm dead," Harry joked. Louis didn't find it funny. But of course Harry would decide to crack a joke like that in a situation like this. 

"Don't say that," Louis said in between light sniffles and faint slaps to Harry's arm. "Don't you ever, ever fucking say that."

Despite feeling slightly offended by the joke, Louis laughed. He was just _so_ happy. 

"I almost lost you Harry." 

"But you didn't lose me," Harry replied. He used all his strength to pull himself up and lean on one elbow just to lean over and kiss Louis on the forehead.

"I don't ever plan on losing you," Louis half-said and half-choked out. 

He wanted to kiss Harry — kiss him full on the lips and embrace him with every living fiber in his body. He wanted to feel Harry's lips on his again and feel the sense of bliss he'd always feel when he kissed Harry. 

He wanted to do all the things he's missed so much, and it's only been a week.

He couldn't wait to spend all those nights just cuddled up into Harry's side as they enveloped themselves in soft blankets and stared at an ongoing film that they couldn't really care less about, just enjoying each other's company. He couldn't wait to get up and attempt to fry a couple of eggs again in the mornings, only to end up burning it and asking for Harry's assistance. The possibilities were endless now that Harry was awake. Louis couldn't wait to get started on all of them.

Because Harry laid beside him — awake and _there_ and Louis just wanted to kiss him and repeat the words over and over again in his head ' _he's alive, he's alive, he's alive.'_

And as Harry stayed right there with his eyes gazed directly at Louis and a lazy smile built up on his face, it just felt so right, so so right.

Louis buzzed for a nurse a little later, still elated from the miraculous awakening. 

A nurse came rushing in, panic written all over her face.

_Okay,_ Louis thought. _Maybe he pressed the button too many times._

The nurse, at the sight of Harry who's eyes were now wide open, let out a loud gasp.

"Could you please call Liam – I mean, doctor Payne." Louis spoke with such excitement, wanting to see the doctor that helped a lot. A whole fucking lot. Louis just felt like he owed his life to Liam. "Make it urgent, please, I need to see him."

The nurse, with a slight nod, rushed out just as fast as she came in.

Not a long while later, Liam came rushing in, and his jaw drop and gasp was clearly noticed.

He ran to Harry's side immediately.

It almost looked like Liam couldn't believe his eyes. Louis stepped outside for a moment, leaving the room to the doctor and his patient.

Louis was still filled with so much joy that he dropped his phone two times whilst trying to type his passcode. 

"Hello?" Louis excitedly said, once he'd dialed the number of Harry's sister on his phone.

"Louis?" Gemma's voice sounded a little tire over the speaker. She was obviously exhausted. Or sad. Maybe a tiny bit of both.

"Harry's awake." Louis' voice was more of a shout, and Gemma didn't believe it at first.

"What?" Gemma questioned. Louis could hear her moving to a quieter place, hearing the transition from the noisy background to a silent one.

"Harry – he woke up, just today."

Louis heard Gemma move the phone away from her ear as she let out what seemed to be a sob. The repetitions of 'oh my god' were evidently clear. She fumbled with her phone before speaking again, "That's wonderful that's – oh my god, I'll just – I'll call my mum. Thank you Louis – thank you so much." 

Liam stepped out of the room after ten minutes. A small smile was etched onto Liam's face, although skepticism was also evident on his features. Louis noticed it right away, which led to his next question. "S'everything alright, Liam?"

Liam seemed to be far off, staring straight at absolutely nothing. His body was stood in front of Louis, but his mind was probably miles away, or so it looked like it was.

Liam snapped out of his dazed state once Louis touched his shoulder. "Oh um, yeah yeah. Everything's in perfectly good order." Liam looked more nervous than he was satisfied. 

"Are you sure?" Louis asked, feeling a tad bit worried for Liam, who was snapping in and out of his daze. 

"Yes," Liam answered, furrowing his eyebrows as he did. "Harry has woken up and his body seems to be in a stable condition."

Louis grinned. "You know, I owe it all to you and your team."

Liam just nodded and offered a tiny smile. It was barely even there. 

"Like, I just want to thank you so much – This, all of this wouldn't have happened without you. And god, I owe you so _so_ much." Louis had never felt so thankful in his life. He felt like he owed Liam every little thing he could offer because if it weren't for him, who knows how Harry would've ended up.

Liam's mouth tugged up gently into a half smile. His eyes were wet and he tried to turn gaze upwards onto the ceiling to stop himself from dropping tears. It felt good saving lives, it really did.

Liam hesitated a bit before speaking again. "That means a lot to me."

"You deserve it," Louis honestly said. "Couldn't have asked for a better doctor, really."

It almost looked like Liam was on the verge of tears, emotion filling up his very eyes. 

Judging by the clipboard Liam was clutching and his worried expression when he left the room, Louis questioned him. "Have you got somewhere to be or–"

"Oh!" Liam exclaimed, like he'd forgotten what he was supposed to do. Which was, Louis thought, exactly the case. "Right, I've got a patient in the next room, a couple really."

"That's nice," Louis answered. He's always had a soft spot for couples. No one could blame Louis, but he's mostly been a romantic sap all his life. "New couple?" 

Liam shook his head. "Old couple, probably been together for over fifty years or more. Pretty sweet story actually."

Louis would've loved to hear more, but right now, he was just laced with elation that he decided to be a little more considerate. "You could tell me that later, patients first." Louis flashed a smile at Liam, who only returned it slightly before making his way to the room just beside Harry's, and moving inside.

Louis took a small glance at the room where Liam had entered to see an elderly couple seated together at the bed, hands intertwined as they answered Liam's questions. Louis' heart warmed at the sight.

Louis then proceeded to Harry's room, turning the cold doorknob open. 

Louis was still in shock. Harry was alive, and it still hadn't quite registered in his head.

He padded softly towards Harry's bed, sitting down on the edge of it, and shifting so that he could be faced with the younger boy. 

Harry was just half-awake. 

Louis understood that Harry needed rest, so he let Harry sleep for a while (which was quite ironic since he spent the whole past week sleeping). Louis didn't care about that though. At this moment, he only cares about Harry. Nothing else.

A few hours later, the door to their hospital room opened with a click.

Louis woke up to the soft sound and squinted his eyes to glance quickly at the door, which was creaking open by the moment.

When the door widened further, Louis could make out the shapes of Gemma and her mum. He immediately got off his seat to greet the two women.

“Gem! Anne!” Louis greeted, smile widening once again. It seemed that ever since Harry had woken up, Louis could do nothing but smile.

“Louis!” The two girls greeted in unison. Their eyes were bloodshot and puffy. They’d been crying, Louis figured.

It was practically a bone-crushing embrace – the embrace that Anne and Gemma had offered Louis. But nonetheless, Louis didn’t mind that. “Is it true?” Anne said, voice still wary from the whole situation.

Louis just nodded in response, beaming.

“Oh my God.” Gemma sank to her knees, her jean clad legs setting themselves at the ground as she buried her face in her hands, which fashioned a sweater that was way too big for her. She looked behind Louis and she immediately cried.

Louis looked around because sooner or later, Anne had started crying as well.

“Gemma,” Louis heard Harry’s voice say. “Mum.”

Harry’s voice was groggy and it sounded very tired, but other than that, he sounded happy. Elated even.

Louis left the room a little while later to give the two girls some personal time with Harry. Louis sat on the bench outside the room, in one of the waiting rooms nearby.

Louis looked up at the sky, which in this case, was a ceiling. He gazed up, smile plastered onto his face as he said, “Thank you. Thank you, so, so much.”

He just hoped the heavens heard him.

 

-

 

It’s been three days since Harry woke up.

They’d been wonderful so far.

Liam said that Harry couldn’t be discharged from the hospital yet. At least, not for another two weeks. He claimed that he still had to run Harry under some tests to make sure he was stable. Louis just nodded, trusting whatever Liam had to do.

Louis never left Harry side. Harry prevented him from doing so anyway. Together, they’d watch daytime television (no matter how horrible the stories were) on the small television set atop a table in the room and they’d feast on hospital cafeteria food (which surprisingly, to Louis, grew more tasty as the days passed).

They shared a lot of kisses.

Both boys just couldn’t seem to get enough of each other, wanting to kiss, wanting to touch every inch of each other’s skin. They couldn’t do much though, since Harry was still a little fragile, as Liam put it. But Louis was alright with that, as long as Harry was safe. As long as Harry was alive.

They’d been kissing one Monday morning when they heard the faint sound of children playing outside. Louis laughed into the kiss, breath fanning over Harry’s lips as they parted.

Harry stared up at Louis from his position on the bed, hand raised up to cup Louis’ face gently, his thumb lightly smoothing over Louis’ skin.

“Kids,” Louis said, sounding old as he said that.

“Yeah,” Harry replied.

Then, silence.

After a while, Harry’s voice broke the silence, startling Louis with the question that fled from his lips. “Louis, do you - do you like, ever wanna have kids?”

Louis’ eyes grew wide at the sudden question. He, however, had already had a definite answer for that. “Yeah, I do.”

Harry grinned up at the older boy, fond of the idea of kids. “I’d like kids, too.”

“That makes the two of us, then.” Louis laughed. “We’ll have lots of babies.”

“Did you just quote ‘Titanic’?”

Louis shook his head. “Not directly. Know your movies, Styles.”

Harry just sheepishly smiled at him, taking Louis’ hand into his own. “But like, I’d want to have kids, with you. Maybe two or three.”

“Or ten,” Louis joked. Harry chuckled.

“S’bit too much,” Harry explained. “Wouldn’t have much room to ourselves.”

“That’s parenthood for you.”

Harry pulled Louis’ head down to his so he could peck Louis lightly on the lips. Just a quick kiss, soft and lingering. “Can’t wait to have kids with you.”

Louis actually blushed at that. “Same with you.”

Louis laid down properly beside Harry now, Harry scooting over so they could both share the twin-sized bed. It wasn’t exactly comfortable and snug, but they managed. As long as they were right beside each other, it was perfect for them.

“How d’you think we’d end up?” Louis asked out of the blue. It caught Harry off guard, actually. “Like, in a few years from now.”

Harry pursed his lips, as if in deep thought. He was in deep concentration before he replied, looking happier and more positive than ever. “I think we’d be together, _with kids_.”

“Of course.” Louis giggled.

“Married too,” Harry grinned and Louis’ heart warmed at the thought. Even if they were still planning their wedding, he felt so excited for it. Their wedding would probably still be in a couple of months but Louis couldn’t wait to marry Harry, just the thought already filled him with bliss.

“And I’d still have my job, hopefully I’ll be promoted by then,” Harry continued to ramble about their future, and Louis could only gaze at Harry. Because Harry was just so fucking beautiful, and Louis felt so lucky to have him.

“Also, I’ve always wanted a house by the hillside, y’know?” Harry said. “So it’s quiet, but free.”

“I’ve always wanted one too,” Louis agreed, fondly looking at Harry. He loved him so very much.

“Then, we could live there.” Harry pulled Louis closer to him, chest against chest as he leaned in to press his lips against Louis’. “With our jobs and our many, many babies.”

Louis had never laughed harder in his life.

 

-

 

It was a week later, now.

Gemma and Anne had come around to visit Harry again. The two of them stood in the room as Louis and Harry welcomed them in.

Louis was thrilled.

Harry was getting discharged from the hospital in less than a week, and he couldn’t wait to get started on the things he and Harry had planned out to do once he got out of the hospital. The countless possibilities awaited him.

Harry turned to his side, facing his mum and his sister as they neared the curly haired boy to peck him lightly on his forehead. Harry just playfully wiped his forehead, along with a, “mum, I’m not twelve.”

“I know that, dear,” Anne uttered. “But I love you too much.” She said this along with a pinch to Harry’s cheek.

Louis and Gemma giggled at that.

 

-

 

The days passed and both Gemma and Anne decided to stay for the remaining days.

 

-

 

Today was the day Harry was going to be discharged from the hospital, at exactly 6 PM, according to the nurse.

Louis and Harry shared both their excitement, eager to start on everything they’d planned.

That was, until that horrid hour as Louis sat next to Harry’s beside and his whole world flipped around.

Harry coughed.

At first, Louis didn’t mind it, thinking Harry just cleared his throat. But then, Harry started to cough continuously, harshly, like each cough was scratching his throat, tearing it apart.

“Harry,” Louis called, worry laced in his tone. He abruptly stood from his seat and neared the younger boy, who was ceaselessly coughing.

“Harry, are you alright?”

Louis was fully worried now, his features creasing up. Harry couldn’t answer him, he was too disturbed by his constant coughing. “Harry!”

And that’s when he saw it.

There was blood on the hands Harry coughed into.

Louis panicked. He buzzed the button beside Harry’s bed immediately, calling the nurses in a rushed tone. “Nurse! Nurse! Anyone! Anyone, help!”

In the next few seconds, no one had still arrived. Louis was now profusely pressing the button, along with his loud shouts. Harry coughed out more and more blood, his hands now stained with red.

Louis held onto Harry’s hand tight, enveloping it in both of his. He didn’t care if his hand was stained with Harry’s blood as well, that didn’t matter right now. All that mattered was that Harry needed medical attention. “Nurse! Doctor! Anyone! I need help!”

Louis raised Harry’s hand to his mouth hastily, planting a soft kiss to the skin. “Don’t worry, Harry, I’m here.”

Harry used all of his strength to look at Louis. He nodded and then coughed once more.

“I’m here,” Louis muttered into the younger boy’s skin.

Suddenly, Liam came rushing in the door, worry sketched onto his face once he entered the room where Louis was screaming for help.

Liam’s face paled at the sight of Harry and his blood stained hands, coughing harshly.

Liam quickly rushed to Harry’s side and shouted, “Nurse! I need a nurse!”

Liam moved to the head of the bed, trying to disconnect the bed from its legs. Harry was gasping for breath now, inhaling and exhaling at a rapid pace, trying to get all air he could into his lungs.

Louis’ eyes widened with panic.

“Liam, w-what’s happening?” Louis’ small voice asked, anxiety and concern written all over his face. “What’s g-going on with Harry?”

A couple of nurses rushed into the room, to which Liam gave strict orders to. “Take him to the emergency room, quick!”

Liam turned to Louis once the bed was being wheeled outside. “Harry’s going into shock,” Liam answered hurriedly.

“Is-Is that normal?” Louis scolded himself for the foolish question. He didn’t even realise how hard he was trembling until now, his whole body shaking involuntarily. “Does that happen to everyone – will he be safe? W-”

Liam cut Louis off. “Unfortunately, it isn’t. I’m not sure what triggered his shock but if I don’t get to the emergency room now, Harry may die.”

Liam ran out of the room.

Louis’ face was pale as can be.

_Harry may die_.

The words kept ringing in his head, _Harry may die, Harry may die, Harry may die._

He thought of how cruel and how terribly tragic it sounded. It definitely was cruel.

Louis sank to his knees, face stricken with grief as his heart started pounding uncontrollably in his chest. With each beat of his heart, he felt his body fail. With each passing second, he felt himself fall.

Louis clutched his head in his hands, covering up his ears with his palms, almost as if covering them would stop the words from circulating his mind. _Harry may die_.

He didn’t want to think about it, no.

Harry would be fine, he thought. At least, he tried to convince himself that.

He couldn’t go through this twice, he _knew_ Harry would be fine. He’d believed in Harry too much to think otherwise. Harry was strong and Louis trusted him. He had faith in him.

Just as he was blocking out all sounds from around him, hugging his knees close to his chest as he rocked back and forth on the cold floor, the sound of shoes hitting marble brought him out of his daze.

He saw Gemma and Anne in front of him, panic etched on their features. “Louis-Lou, what happened?”

Louis shook his head, tears falling aimlessly on his face as he cradled himself again, refusing to look at them.

Gemma knelt down beside the boy, repeating her question. “Louis, what happened?” Gemma peeked into the room and her face fell when she saw that Harry was absent.

Harry’s absence was enough of an explanation for her. “W-where is he, Lou?”

Louis sobbed even harder, pressing his palms against his eyes even more to stop the tears from falling, so he could actually form words. It was no use though, the tears still fell.

“They took him to-” Louis choked out. “He’s in the emergency room. I-I don’t know what happened.”

Anne knelt down beside him, "How did that happen?" Anne said with a shaky voice, arms trembling as she clutched onto Louis' left arm. "What happened?"

Louis hiccuped, still too engulfed in sobs to speak. "I was just beside him – like always, and then he just – he started coughing really badly and blood came out and I didn't know what was going on – Liam asked the nurses to take him to the ER because he just started gasping for breath and–" Louis started to cry again. "I don't know."

"I thought he was doing well," Gemma added, pressing her palms against her face. "He was supposed to be discharged today. He was doing so well."

"He's gonna make it," said Louis once he was well enough to speak, cheeks wet and hands fidgety. 

Anne and Gemma looked at him warily.

"Harry's gonna make it, I _know_ he will." Louis meant for it to convince Gemma and Anne that Harry _would_ make it, but it sounded more like Louis was trying to convince himself rather than the others. "I hope he will."

"We hope so, too," Anne muttered, words fading under her breath.

Now, all they could do was wait.

 

-

 

They were awoken by a standing figure not too long later.

They'd all fallen asleep by the door along the corridor, which should've been quite inappropriate, but as of the moment, none of them cared about that.

Louis opened his eyes to be faced with Liam, who clutched his old clipboard in his hands and wore a blank expression — unreadable even.

Louis immediately jumped to his feet, eager to get an answer out of his fiancé's doctor.

The blue eyed boy took a few seconds to steady himself, going off balance from the many thoughts that circled his head.

"Liam," Louis uttered, staring at the man right in front of him. Anne and Gemma joined him a little while after, standing by his side.

Liam just stared back up at him, mouth pressed in a thin line and gaze foggy as he tried to form words.

Louis was just downright anxious right now, his mind filled with all sorts of things that could or could not have happened to Harry.

"Is he okay?" Louis asked, voice smaller than he'd expected.

The doctor looked hesitant. He gazed down at his clipboard although there was nothing there, just the hard plastic that it was made up of. 

Louis and the two girls were fully nervous now. Liam's expression wasn't exactly the most comforting. It felt like waiting on a death sentence, although this was far less gruesome. 

Louis was running out of patience. "Please, I just need to know if he's alright." 

With one last hesitant look from Liam, he then began to speak. "Harry's alive."

Louis, Anne, and Gemma each let out sighs of long-waited relief. 

Louis wanted to cry on the spot because Harry was _alive_. He thought it quite strange, that he was thinking the same thought twice as he did two weeks ago. But he didn't mind that, Harry was _alive_.

His thoughts were soon interrupted by Liam's words, which made his heart drop to the pit of his stomach.

"But he isn't going to last."

Louis' mind went hazy, as if all his thoughts had faded to a blur. He couldn't think properly, not now, not when the boy he loved was just diagnosed to not last.

"W-what?" Louis questioned with quivering lips.

"The shock was far more intense than we expected," Liam explained. Louis could see the tears forming in the young doctor's eyes. He could also hear the loud cries of the two women behind him as Liam broke out the news. "Even I don't know how it happened, but the internal bleeding came back. We might've m-missed something b-but I'm not sure." Liam's eyes were tear-stained now as he stuttered. The news was just a lot to carry, even for an experienced doctor like himself.

"You might've _missed_ something?" Louis spat out his words, laced with a bitter tone. "What do you mean you 'might've missed something'?" 

Louis didn't mean to sound raged, but deep inside, he was. Although he knew, it was the grief talking.

"T-There was an sudden uncontrolled bleeding in his chest," Liam cleared out further, in between falling tears. "It just started bleeding recently, we don't know how it happened, since we made sure to identify and stop all sources of bleeding and repair any damage it caused."

Liam took a deep breath before he continued. "His body lost a lot of circulating red blood cells to compromise oxygen delivery throughout the cells in the body. And since this happened, his cells stopped working, which also affected his organs, causing organ failure — in other words, shock."

Louis was now staring into blank space, dry tears staining his cheeks.

"We've managed to stop the bleeding and we've provided fluid resuscitation as well," Liam uttered. "Believe me, we tried our best — I've tried my best, Louis." Liam's eyes were wet now. It seemed the situation affected him just as much as it affected Louis and the two girls. "But it wasn't enough. Harry's organs were already starting to fail and it was just too much, there was nothing else we could do."

At that moment, Louis fell to his knees and the tears fell down uncontrollably, rushing down his face. Anne and Gemma joined him soon after. Anne was rubbing Louis' back whilst she weeped. She then turned her foggy gaze towards Liam. "How long? How long does he have left?"

Liam looked pained to say it. "Not very long, I'd say two hours at most."

Louis cried even louder. He didn't care if he was being a disturbance towards the others, he simply didn't mind it. Because the man he loved only had _two hours_ to live, and somehow, he couldn't quite grasp the thought, no matter how hard he tried.

Yet another side of him hung on, assuring him that Harry was strong. He was a fighter, more like it, he'd make it. Louis knew Harry would.

Despite these raging thoughts, Louis also knew that the tests had been done and the signs have been shown. 

Harry was going to die, and Louis could do nothing but hope it was false.

Soon, the group were kneeling on the floor in tangled legs, numb bodies, and tear-stained faces. 

Their cries echoed throughout the crowded hospital.

 

-

 

Seeing Harry was the hardest for Louis.

Knowing Harry would soon pass away in less than a day, Louis was at a loss of words, also at a loss of thoughts — which was quite a surprise even to Louis himself.

Louis couldn't do it.

Every time he'd glance at the curly haired boy, he'd think of the many things they could do but not have the opportunities to do it anymore because Harry was _dying_ , and the reality of it hit Louis harder than the weight of the world. 

He thought about how he and Harry had always wanted to try going ice skating in New York city when fall turned into winter and the busy city was just bustling with people of different stories.

He thought about how he and Harry had always wanted to fly all the way to China to climb up the many steps that the Great Wall provided until they were both out of breath and in need of each other.

He thought about he and Harry wanting to go on that European cruise Louis always kept talking about, and he thought about how excited Harry was to explore the continent over the soft waves. 

He even thought about the little things that Harry told him just a few days ago, that when pieced up together, made up a large future waiting for them — the kids, the promotions, the house by the hillside, and the _marriage_. 

Especially the marriage, Louis thought. It's always been his dream to settle down with someone and spend the rest of his life with them, and in this case, Harry had been just the 'someone' he'd been looking for.

He truly did love Harry.

But Harry was dying.

 

-

 

Harry woke up twenty minutes after the news broken out by Liam. 

He woke up bewildered and confused, as if the dangers that surrounded him stood less than a feet away. 

Louis woke up as well, sensing the movement of the younger boy. Louis managed a smile.

"Hey, Harry." Louis' voice was tiny, and less audible than normal. He guessed it was because he couldn't speak knowing the man he loved was slipping away little by little.

"Louis," Harry replied.

Harry tried to sit up straight, but his body prevented him from doing so. He shut his eyes in pain as his hand went up quickly to clutch his stomach, trying to relieve the pain that felt like knives to his skin. Harry whimpered at the sting, and when he lifted his hospital gown up to check on the source of pain, he was greeted by none other than bandages and stitches.

Setting aside the pain, Harry looked at Louis. In an instant, Harry's face lit up at the sight of the older boy.

Louis abruptly stood up from his seat to help Harry lay back down as he struggled.

Once Harry was back to his laying position, he let out a laugh, low and hollow, like the pain was restraining him. Then Harry said, "I'm pretty useless now, aren't I?" Followed by another laugh of equal depth.

Tears stung Louis' eyes. "Don't say that Harry, you know you're not."

"But I'm _dying_ , Lou." Harry stared up at the blank ceiling above him, "that's useless enough, for me and for everyone else."

Harry turned on his side, and Louis could only hear the soft winces of the boy. When Harry saw Louis' questioning expression, he continued, "Liam told me, the moment I woke up." Harry let out a small sigh, and he could feel the warm tears sliding down his face. "It's quite ironic though."

"What is?" Louis asked, taking Harry's hand in his.

"The fact that they told me before anyone else. Like, what use will it be to me? I'd rather prefer spending my last hours happy than to have my mind occupied by the thought that in a few hours, I'll be dead, and this world would be just a memory, you know?"

Louis just nodded. His tears had dried up but he just kept sniffling. 

"I just want to be happy," Harry admitted. "Even if I know that the coming hours will be the last hours I'll ever have."

"Well," Louis offered Harry a smile to lighten up the gloomy aura in the room, not wanting to make Harry's last hours a depressing couple. "What do you want to do?"

Harry just wrinkled his nose and let out a sheepish smile as he stared right at Louis. "I'm giving you the power to choose."

"Harry–" Louis tried to say, but Harry cut him off before he even got to finish his sentence.

"Louis," Harry ordered, still smiling. "I want you to choose our last memorable activity before I pass."

Louis tried not to break down into tears at that.

"But Harry, it's just that–"

"Just what, Lou?"

"S'your choice, I'd hate to take it away from you."

"You're not taking anything away from me," Harry said, a half smile planted on his face. 

"Okay," Louis unsurely uttered, still a little uneasy about Harry's request. But complying, he mentioned the one thing he'd always wanted, the one thing that he'd never get the chance to fulfill in the future. The only thing that he'd want with Harry and no one else. "I want to get married."

Harry's eyes widened in shock, not expecting such great a request.

Louis felt surprised, obviously not expecting that reaction from Harry. At first he felt embarrassed because evidently, Harry wouldn't want to get married at his state, it was just unheard of, an out of this world statement, but Louis wanted it so bad, more than anything he's ever wanted. He hoped Harry wanted the same.

Harry still had a puzzled look on his face, staring at Louis as if he were some unsolvable mystery. But as his weak hands reached towards Louis, he spoke. "Let's do it."

A grin couldn't feel more at home on Louis' face.

He surged forward, capturing the younger boy's frail body in his arms, wrapping around him tight as his face buried into the crook of Harry's neck, enveloped in the warmth that only Harry could produce.

With a cautious gaze and a small smile, Louis asked, "Can I kiss you?"

Harry's eyes crinkled and his lips turned up into an elated beam, his green eyes in show. 

He shook his head excitedly then stretched his arms out so that he could touch the older boy. "You don't even need to ask."

"I just thought that–" Louis was cut off by the lips pressing against his and the thin arms making their way around his neck. Louis let out a small inaudible noise at the contact but then sighed into the kiss as it got deeper.

The kiss was one of pure tears and joy mixed into one, as if either did not know whether crying or smiling was more appropriate for the situation.

But being appropriate didn't matter now. Now, their lips were attached and their tears spilled endlessly down their drying cheeks, but none of them complained.

It felt perfect enough just the way it was.

"Shall we get married?" Louis mouthed through this kiss. Harry kissed him even deeper, wanting to feel Louis' lips on his because he didn't have forever. In fact, he only had less than two hours left to live. 

If anything, he wanted the touch of Louis' lips to be the last thing he'll ever remember.

With one final kiss, Harry breathed out, "We shall."

 

-

 

Louis was nothing but different emotions.

He'd called up a chaplain not too long ago and asked for him to pay a visit to their hospital room as soon as possible, knowing he was quickly running out of time. 

The chaplain hurriedly agreed saying he'd be at the hospital in no more than fifteen minutes. Despite the assurance, Louis still felt anxious, tapping his foot in uneven paces on the marble floor.

Everything just seemed to be so slow.

He'd invited Anne and Gemma over, who were still crying their eyes dry over the news broken out to them just a little while back. 

They smiled through their tears at the announcement that Louis and Harry were getting married. 

It seemed to feel like everyone was happy for them. 

Louis appreciated it, but he felt the irony pierce through him like he were an open wound. 

Whatever the circumstances, Louis tried to stay positive.

Even Liam had made his way to the hospital room, after a hesitant but kind informal invitation by Louis. 

He couldn't just let the doctor that helped Harry, be excluded.

So here they all stood, surrounding Harry's bed as water stained their cheeks and words were being exchanged.

"I, Louis Tomlinson, take you Harry Styles, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health–" Louis had to stop for a quick moment to regain his composure, sniffling and wiping away at his tears with the loose sleeves of his large jumper. "–to love and to cherish; from this day forward until–" Louis looked hesitant to say the last words. "–death do us part."

Harry offered an encouraging smile towards his soon-to-be husband. Though Louis thought well of the action, he knew it wasn't enough. He knew that a simple smile won't change the fact that he would lose Harry, and in less than an hour at that.

"I, Harry Styles, take you Louis Tomlinson, to be my husband, my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish our union and love you more each day than I did the day before. I will trust you and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully through good times and bad, regardless of the obstacles we may face. I vow to give you as much love as I can within the remaining time that I have left." Harry paused to take a deep breath, looking up at the empty ceiling in hopes to prevent his tears from ever falling. He knew Louis was experiencing enough pain as it is, and he didn't want his tears to add to that pain as well. "Although that time isn't very long, please know that I'll always love you. I've never–" Harry said along with a shy little grin. "– loved anyone as much as I love you, Lou."

At this time, Louis' eyes were damp and glassy, shining from the water that had filled them to the brim. 

He loved Harry so, so much. 

For a moment, he almost forgot about the dreadful fate awaiting Harry at the end of the hour.

_Almost._

His tears were a bitter mix of both sorrow and happiness, elation even. 

This was actually finally happening, he was getting married to Harry.

Although he expected it to happen at a large church complete with exquisite flower arrangements and dainty little wedding giveaways, not at a lonely hospital room with nothing but cries and the slow beeping of the heart monitor.

But Louis took what he could get, what was faced in front of him.

In that moment, Louis couldn't care any less about the location or the flower choices that were absent from their celebration, all Louis could care about was Harry.

"Where are the wedding rings, if I may ask?" The chaplain's voice broke through the sad laughter and the embrace of the two boys.

Louis' eyes widened in shock and regret. Because of course, he forgot about the rings.

Louis rubbed his face, mentally scolding himself for forgetting to buy wedding rings in the sufficient time he had. Louis glanced at the clock, thinking if he could maybe make a run to the store and purchase a quick pair, but the time wasn't enough. 

It just wasn't.

"I don't—I–" Louis was panicking now, words coming out in broken pieces as he sorted them out. He didn't know what to do or to say, knowing he forgot the rings to his own wedding.

Harry tried to calm Louis down by sliding his weak arm around Louis and holding him close.

Louis was still uneasy though.

"Wait!" Liam called out from the other side of the room, where he was leaning against the wall, white coat barely hanging off his shoulders and eyes wet. "I–I think I've got an idea."

At the end of his sentence, Liam ran out of the room, leaving a group of puzzled men and women waiting.

A few minutes later, Liam arrived once again, just as fast as he left. 

He was panting at the door, hand clutching at the door frame to steady himself and the other hand enclosed around something.

Louis' eyes brightened at the sight of Liam. Yet at the same time he was still confused as to what Liam had done, and it was shown on his features.

"Here," Liam said along with a tired smile as he neared the chaplain and the two boys. Liam opened his closed fist to reveal two golden wedding rings, each shining brightly and the texture smooth against his palm. The rings were engraved with words Louis couldn't quite make out due to the age and the fading words, but Louis knew they were still there.

Louis was dumbfounded. "Liam, where— when, how'd you get this?"

"The couple next door," Liam explained. "The old couple I showed you the other day."

Louis nodded, recalling the old couple that had looked so sweet sitting next to each other.

"They let me borrow their wedding rings," Liam uttered. "They let _you_ borrow them." Liam flashed a small smile before looking right back at the chaplain, "carry on."

The chaplain gratefully nodded before glancing at each of the two boys once more. 

"I give you this ring as an eternal symbol of my love and commitment to you," Louis said, slipping one ring on Harry's finger, where it slid smoothly. It was a little loose, but it worked just fine. "I love you," Louis whispered. Although it sounded more like a breath rather than a soft whisper.

"And I give _you_ this ring," Harry delightfully mentioned, slipping the other ring onto Louis' finger. "As a sign of my love and commitment to you." With one tap to Louis' ring, Harry smiled a he returned, "I love you."

"You may kiss the groom," the chaplain announced.

And Louis took the chance.

He leaned in ever so quickly, wanting to feel the familiar touch of Harry's lips on his as soon as he could, pressing in deeper as if he were trying to make it last forever. 

Perhaps that was Louis' intention, to make this short kiss last for years.

Years that Harry wouldn't be able to be with him in.

Louis cupped Harry's beautiful face in his hands, smoothing over Harry's cheek, chin, jaw, everything. 

Somehow, touching Harry meant of so much importance to him.

He truly did love Harry.

Harry kissed back with just as much fervor, the sweetness of Louis' lips lingering on his, sending him in a state of bliss.

He was too weak though.

Too weak to raise his arms and wrap them around Louis and too weak to pull Louis in closer.

His body was failing and he knew it.

Louis held the taller boy in his arms, hands intertwined behind Harry's back, never letting him fall in the harshest ways. 

Louis didn't want the kiss to end. 

He didn't want Harry to end.

And as the tears spilled dreadfully down his eyes, in a pure combination of elation and want, he pulled away gently, leaving Harry smiling uncontrollably in front of him.

Small cries and audible whimpers were heard throughout the room, both men and women expressing their own little cries of joy and pity.

Pity for the boy that would soon be gone and pity for the boy that would soon lose him.

Louis couldn't take it. 

He couldn't take all the pitiful stares given to him by the near group, he couldn't take the fact that they _knew_ Harry would pass away in less than ten minutes. He couldn't take it that he couldn't even stop himself from crying.

Louis then felt the familiar touch of a warm hand, guiding him as it set itself delicately on his lower back, making Louis turn towards it. 

"We're married now, Lou," Harry gleefully uttered. Though his eyes remained dull and his skin had now turned a deathly pale, Louis could hear the happiness in his tone and the never fading twinkle in his eyes whenever Harry said his name.

Louis laughed emptily, eyes still moist from all the emotions. "We are," Louis assured, forcing himself to twitch his mouth upwards into a smile. "Like we've always wanted."

Smiles should've been easy around Harry, but Louis knew that he was slipping away, and suddenly, it just got so hard to smile again.

Louis turned towards the others before he spoke again, "would you mind if Harry and I had some time alone? S'just for a moment."

The group murmured a bunch of words that sounded like 'sure' and 'of course' before exiting the room in a symphony of sniffles and absent mumbles.

When the door had clicked shut, Harry beamed with all the power he had left. "I'm sorry if this is all I can give you."

Louis sat beside the green eyed boy on the bed, laying down on the soft bed and turned so he was laying on his side, facing his now-husband. "It's alright, Harry."

"No, it's not." Harry's face was now damp with paths of tears, falling from his eyes as he tried to finish. "I-I won't be able to get that promotion I've always told you about or I won't be able to build that house on the hillside that we've been planning ever since we met."

Harry sighed sadly before continuing. "I won't even be able to have kids with you. I won't get the chance to watch them grow or be father—I won't be a _father_ , Lou. And I'm sorry."

Louis didn't even notice how hard he was crying until that moment when the sleeve of Harry's shirt had gotten wet from Louis' tears alone.

"Most importantly," Harry breathed out with everything he had left in him. "I won't be there for you. We'll never get the chance to go on all those trips we've been planning or hold hands together before we sleep, y'know? All those little things—because I'm _dying_ , Louis." Harry buried his face into Louis' feathery hair, feeling the soft invite of each strand against his skin. That's something Harry will surely miss. "I'm sorry," Harry whispered into Louis' hair, hearing nothing but the soft cries coming from his husband.

Harry was weak, but he used his remaining strength to lift Louis' face up to his, so their eyes could meet and Harry's fingers could touch the tip of Louis' chin. "Hey, don't cry." 

Louis couldn't stop.

"We got married, didn't we?" Harry reminded, hoping to calm Louis down. "You should be happy."

"But I'm gonna lose you," Louis admitted, not wanting to meet Harry's gaze. "This is all my fault, if I just told you on that day to–"

Louis wasn't able to complete his sentence due to Harry cutting him off. "None of this is your fault. In fact, you're making all this better for me." Harry offered a tiny smile. "Don't blame yourself, it was my fault, I don't want you to live the rest of your life blaming yourself." Louis sniffled in response, wiping his eyes dry with his sleeve. "'ve always been clumsy."

Louis laughed sadly. 

Then, Harry's breath hitched and shot a look of panic on Louis' face.

"'M alright," Harry convinced Louis, thought it looked as if he were trying to convince himself. "I just–I don't want you to live a sad life just because of me. I want you to be happy, even if I'm not there with you. Could you please promise me that?"

Louis nodded and went on with what he was going to say, "I promise."

After a few seconds of silence and holding onto each other for dear life, Louis whispered, "I love you, Harry."

Then Harry answered.

But he never finished.

"I love you, L–"

Before Harry could even say Louis' name, he started to heave continuously, making his heart beat speed up and double in amounts. 

Louis still held on to his hand, a he called out, "Doctor!"

Harry started to cough in ridiculous amounts before Liam dashed in the room, approaching the two boys hurriedly. 

Gemma and Anne followed soon after, their eyes filled with worry at the sight of the heaving boy laying down on the mattress.

Everything after that was a blur to Louis.

It was nothing but a blur of colours and muffled sounds as his vision was unclear due to the tears filling his eyes.

He heard Liam calling out for a nurse and the loud sound of footsteps echoing against the tense room.

He heard the soft weeps coming from Harry's mum and sister as they held on to each other as they watched.

But mostly, Louis heard himself.

Nothing but silence.

Louis figured that if extreme pain and grief ever had a sound, it would definitely be the deafening silence he was producing.

And when he heard the piercing sound of the heart monitor going flat, everything went flat as well.

 

-

 

Harry died on that day, with the presence of his family and all the doctors and nurses.

His marriage with Louis hadn't even lasted a full hour, leaving Louis with only the memories of sitting with Harry by his bedside.

Louis wanted to cry, he wanted to so much.

But felt as if his eyes had gone dry and no matter how hard he tried to make even the littlest drop of tear fall, he couldn't do it.

Nothing fell.

Though with those few minutes he had being married to Harry, Louis had never felt so loved, so happy in his life.

The few minutes he had with Harry were the best, along with the many years they spent together.

But now Harry was gone.

He wouldn't have anyone to hold at night when he'd have terrifying nightmares and soothe him and sing him to sleep, he wouldn't have anyone to make the silliest of jokes that made Louis laugh until his stomach hurt from all the laughter, he wouldn't have anyone to tell him he was beautiful, that he was _worth_ it when Louis felt like shit, when he felt beaten down from the weight of the heavy world.

Mostly, he wouldn't have Harry.

Harry that held him at night and sang him to sleep, Harry that made silly jokes that would never fail to leave Louis beaming, Harry that told him he was beautiful even if Louis didn't feel it.

He missed him.

He missed him so fucking much that it made his chest ache and his mind dizzy. He missed him so fucking much that he would give anything— _anything_ — just to turn back time and make Harry come back. 

Anything to make Harry come back.

But he knew there was nothing left to do. 

Harry was gone.

And that was it.

 

-

 

It's been six months since Harry died.

Louis found himself sitting silently on the table, like he did exactly six months ago.

Except this time, he wasn't waiting for anyone.

He never really waited for anyone anymore. 

The rain pattered harshly against the roof, the windows foggy from all the rain and the driveway wet and empty.

Louis' coffee had gone cold from the countless hours it's been placed on the table. 

Louis hadn't touched it one bit. It was at that point where he wondered why he ever made coffee at all. 

Ever since six months ago, he figured that he hated coffee. He hated reckless drivers and empty driveways as well.

He also figured that he'd been hating a lot of things really. Things that seemed related to Harry's accident.

He was greatly affected by Harry's death.

He hadn't slept well in months, he found himself faced with a plate of food yet hadn't found the motivation to eat it, he'd been taking breaks off work a lot and when he did go to work, he'd often get caught just staring into plain nothing, wondering what the hell he ever did to deserve this.

It also seemed like he wasn't the only one affected by Harry's death.

Gemma had locked herself in her room constantly, refusing to see anyone at her current state, her eyes tired and bloodshot and her body weak. She'd come out once in a while to eat and make sure she doesn't starve herself, but it would be quick. Like she hadn't even made her way out.

Anne would still set a plate for Harry at the table. She'd prepare an extra meal for Harry even though she knew he'd never come. Some thought she'd gone crazy, lost her mind, but Louis knew better. He couldn't even imagine how painful it must've felt for Anne to lose her only son.

Even Harry's death had taken a great toll on Liam. From what Louis heard, Liam had stopped practicing medicine. He'd resigned as a doctor just a few days after Harry's death. They said he couldn't take it, he couldn't watch anymore patients die under his care. He said the pain was unbearable.

And Louis understood.

He understood him very well.

But here he was, seated still on the table, eyes baggy from the lack of sleep and eyes dull, staring at an empty patch of space on the wooden table.

He felt like he'd lost his purpose, like life had lost all its purpose.

Harry would've frowned at him if he'd known that Louis spent the next six months grieving and mourning, and not fulfilling any of the things Harry would've wanted for them.

Louis felt useless.

Everything that reminded him about Harry pained him. 

When he'd go out of his house and see the lilacs planted daintily in the flower boxes in their yard, he'd remember how Harry always used to smell like lilacs, no matter how hard he tried to cover it up with cologne. 

When he'd feel the soft material of his white duvet between his fingertips, he'd remember how Harry used to kiss him on that very bed as they held each other tight. And he'd remember how good Harry's kisses felt, how overwhelmingly blissful Harry's lips felt against his own.

And when he'd go out and see the trees that stood out with their stunning shade of green, he'd remember Harry's green eyes, and how they always seemed so lively and so bright.

Practically everything reminded him of Harry.

And he didn't know whether to love the feeling or to hate it with all he had left in his tired body.

Louis felt unsure.

He missed Harry's beautiful face, his soft features, his melodic voice.

And as Louis thought of it, he ached to hear Harry's voice, to soothe him like it used to, to feel like Harry was still with him, not absent from the world.

He needed to hear Harry's voice.

So Louis grabbed his phone from the table, holding the cold material in his hands as he contemplated on what he was about to do.

He just needed to hear Harry's voice. At least one last time, hoping it gives him closure, or something close to it.

He scrolled through his contacts until he found the certain name he was looking for. It's been months since Harry's death, but Louis never brought himself to ever get rid of Harry's name on his phone. It was too painful for him.

So he pressed lightly on his screen, until Harry's picture popped up and the word 'calling...' flashed on his screen.

Harry's phone rang from the other side of the house, where Louis stored it in one of his bedroom closets.

With one shaky breath, Louis stayed silent and waited for the familiar voice to come onto the line. At this point, he didn't even know what he was doing or _why_ he was even doing it, but he couldn't control his body, as if his sole purpose was to pick up the phone and listen to the inevitable pain that came with it. But now, with the phone pressed against his ear and the vibrations sounding through it, he leaned in closer.

At the sound of the deep voice, he listened to the voicemail.

_"Hello, it's Harry Styles."_

Louis' breath hitched. He gripped onto the table, the intensity of the situation was just too much, it was overwhelming. 

He hadn't heard Harry's voice in months, and he didn't know how much he missed it.

But he decided to listen further, taking in the sweet voice of the man he loved.

_"I'm quite busy right now, but please leave a message."_

Tears were now beginning to pool at Louis' eyes, his paling blue eyes now turning glassy. He prepared himself to hear the last words, _those_ last words that made him feel all sorts of emotions colliding into one. He wasn't prepared. He never will be, realistically speaking. The pause between the previous sentence and the next spares enough time for his chest to ache, to feel his eyes sting and enough time to shut them, to think about how his life had ever come to this. He dismisses his thoughts, knowing that if he let his own thoughts consume him, there would be absolutely nothing left of his sanity, or him. So he swallows, shuts his eyes painfully tight to stop the tears from falling, but they slip past his eyelids anyway.

And with one final breath, he listened.

_"I'll be right with you."_


End file.
